UNDERWORLD CORP — PERSONNEL FILE HR-666
SUDONI
Senior Infernal Engineer, IT Dept
Cursing mortals one at a time doesn't scale.
NAME
SUDONI
ID
0666-0X
DEPT
IT / INFRASTRUCTURE
STATUS
ACTIVE█
STR
16(+3)
Can carry a full server rack alone
DEX
12(+1)
140 WPM on a mechanical keyboard
CON
18(+4)
Runs on cold brew and spite
INT
17(+3)
Compiled his curses from source
WIS
8(-1)
Deployed on a Friday. Twice.
CHA
14(+2)
Terrifying in stand-up meetings
sudo smite
1/rest
Force any process, mortal or daemon, to obey.
Horn Uptime
Passive
Horns glow while prod is stable.
Rubber Duck Shrine
Ritual
50% answer, 50% existential dread.
Curse of the Ticket Queue
Aura
One new urgent ticket per round.
Legacy Code Whisperer
Advantage
Advantage vs systems older than their author.
> FILE: personnel_log_0666-0X.md
> STATUS: ARCHIVED — CLEARANCE LEVEL: BLOOD
Sudoni is a centuries-old oni, banished from the Torment
Division after refusing to scale torment manually. Transferred
to IT following the Great Torment Outage of 1602.
He ships cursed software. He insists Arch Linux is a religious
practice. He has never closed a ticket as "resolved" — only
"won't fix (mortal error)."
His commit messages are haiku. His pull requests are threats.
He once kernel-panicked a paladin.